14 years ago

I want her. I’ve wanted her for a very long time. 14 years to be exact. It was 14 years ago when we had our first sexual encounter. It was nothing more than us dry humping under the covers. But the feeling was there. We were around the age of 10…mimicking something we saw in a movie. We’ve never had another encounter after that. Nor have we spoke about it after it happened. We were caught by her mother and got in trouble for it.

The feelings went away after that, I guess out of fear of doing something wrong. But they came back. We spent a lot of time together in High School, talking about different crushes we had. Ignoring the elephant in the room. We wanted each other. I kept trying to fight the feeling but I couldn’t help notice her. I couldn’t resist staring at her thick thighs filling out her leggings, her pretty face, sexy feet, & perky breasts. Yet I still tried to run from these feelings.

8 years ago I had a dream about her. I woke up finally having to accept the fact that I wanted to have sex with her, even though she was my cousin. I still wasn’t fully comfortable with the idea & felt kind of disgusted with myself.

We remained close after High school, still never spoke about our encounter or my desire for her. Many people who knew us or saw us in public thought we were in a relationship. We would laugh whenever someone would say that. Saying how weird that is and that we were only cousins. Deep down whenever someone mentioned it, I was reminded how I’d love to spend a night in bed with her.

Whenever we have a family get together she is always done up looking great. I try so hard not to stare but I can’t help it. I’ll notice her staring back as well sometimes. She used to love taking my phone and leaving pictures of herself in my photos. The tension is there. It’s been there for a while now. I want to confess these feelings to her and see if she feels the same.

I really noticed how bad I wanted her when I realized how many of the woman who I considered to be attractive resembled her. I never thought I’d pursue her sexually because I had very low confidence for most of my life & I had a great fear of being judged, and that’s something taboo everyone will judge. However I’ve built up my confidence and let go of peoples judgments affecting me, for the most part. So now I feel I’m ready to talk to her about it, and pursue sex if she feels the same.

Today we are not as close as we used to be. We are both in our first serious relationships. We’re both very happy with our current partners, but I just want her for a night. Its been building for 14 years now and I want her under the covers just like we were 14 years ago.

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