How to introduce prostate play to your sex life?

Prostates are finally getting their time in the sexual sun in recent years as our concept and understanding of pleasure continue to broaden beyond penis-in-vagina sex. What is the prostate? Often referred to as the ‘G Spot for penises’, prostate stimulation is touted as a way to experience more intense orgasms, but that’s not the only reason you should be curious about this specific gland in your rectum. Prostate pleasure can be an excellent alternative or way to enjoy sexual satisfaction that has nothing to do with the penis. For those who are hung up on their ability to maintain an erection or are concerned with nerves, prostate play can be a wonderful method of building sexual confidence around the penis as you can appreciate and experience the pleasure other parts of your body bring. Keep reading for how to introduce prostate play.

When we think about prostate pleasure, usually, butt stuff is in the same breath. Indeed, direct rectal access is a popular way to P-town, but it’s not the only way to participate in the fun.

So before you swear off the prostate tea, first understand the many different ways you can engage with this special part of your—or your partner’s—body. Not all prostates enjoy the same type of stimulation, regardless of internal versus external. And no, they’re not all walnuts…in fact, none of them are walnuts—they’re prostates.

Why the walnut?

Let’s call out the elephant in the room first. Where did this common characterisation of the prostate as an omega-dense nut? Well, it was probably due to the size comparison, but somehow we ran with that anus hit to describe everything from the density to the texture. Not surprisingly, though, we did the same thing with the G-spot and sponges. The G-spot behaves like a sponge but doesn’t necessarily feel like one.

Isn’t prostate play just for gay men?

Firstly, you don’t have to have anal sex to feel the benefits of the prostate. Secondly, sexual orientation and sexuality have nothing to do with the sex act(s) you partake in and everything to do with who you find attractive and how you identify. Plenty of femmes, thems, lesbians, and heterosexual individuals have anal sex because it feels good for them. Anal sex can be a part of your identity only if you want it to be.

How to introduce prostate play – communicating & anal fear

Many individuals have fear wound up in their rectal area—and I’m not referring to those we refer to as “tight asses”. This may be due to past individuals going for the taint without warning, the uncertainty of faecal matter, potential pain and a variety of other factors. The point is: anal fear is real. And when the sphincter is spooked, it’s not in the best state to receive stimulation or pleasure. What we need is a nice external cajole while we verbally. In plainer terms: stimulate their prostate externally while you verbally tell your partner your intentions and that you will not penetrate them without warning… since you’re going to be ever-so-near to that area anyways.

External prostate stimulation

How to introduce prostate play? Our prostate pleasure journey can start and end with external stimulation. That’s right, IBS havers rejoice. We don’t need to spelunk into the hole to reap the benefits. After you’ve communicated exactly where your hands are going to go—and where they are not—feel for the root of the penis. The area between the balls and sphincter almost feels and looks like an extension of the base of the penis. This area may be slightly raised and more rigid than that of the penis. Use your partner’s cues to find this together. Marco, Polo anyone?

While prostates have a wide range of what they enjoy, all of it isn’t terribly expansive as the gland is on the smaller and sensitive side. Trying a light dragging of your fingers over the area as if you’re trying to scratch under a kitten’s chin. Yes, that small and soft. For a different take on the same move, use your tongue as opposed to your fingers! Similarly, you can have little to no movement and lightly press your fingertips or knuckles into this zone. Make small circles as you apply varying levels of pressure. Because we’re not doing any slip-sliding or penetration with these movements, you can also experiment using lube versus not using any at all! Obviously, if you are experiencing too much friction, lube it up! Though, don’t feel you have to make a slip ‘n’ slide to poke at this particular external part.

Good vibrations and prostates

Prostates and vibration can be a match made in heaven, especially if you’re focusing solely on external stimulation. The vibrations of your battery-powered assistant may not be the only thing to register on the Richter scale. Anything from a bullet vibrator to magic wands can be used in this area. In order to understand if this specific area enjoys vibration, be sure you’re directing the vibration to the prostate, and the balls and penis are pushed out of range. Similarly to using fingertips, we can apply varying pressure and stimulation with vibration. If you’d like to include other parts in addition to the prostate, try a vibrating cock ring or—if you do want to go internal—look for cock rings with vibrating prostate massagers attached. So vibrators and sex toys are a fun way to introduce prostate play to your relationship.

How to introduce prostate play – rinse and repeat

Once you and your person with the prostate have a good idea of the types and intensities of movements they enjoy, experiment by adding this with additional sensations: nipple sucking, penis stroking, penetrative sex, oral, or anything else your lusty brains can muster. When the prostate is in a simulated state, it’s not going to return to unstimulated the second you stop touching the area. The area will stay engorged for quite some time which may even make other forms of pleasure that much more enjoyable.

Anything you can do, I can do better

There’s no reason you have to engage with a lover to engage in your own prostate. You may need to sit upright with a pillow wedged against your back, but reaching the prostate is every bit doable on your own and even more so with the help of a toy. It’s best to try to shorten the pelvis length when doing this, which can help if you’re someone with a deeper-located P-spot. To do this, you can use the happy baby yoga position or arch your back on all fours in the cat position. Knock out your pleasure and your yoga all at once! When engaging in solo play, you can choose to assist any external stimulation with internal muscle movement to stimulate the gland by engaging in your pelvic floor muscles.

If you’ve mastered external prostate massage and you’re curious about going internal, check out this 5 part video series on Pegging that includes both hand stimulation and penetration!

Happy prostate hunting!

About the author

Lola Jean

Lola Jean is a sex educator, mental health professional, wrestler, domme and world record holder for volume squirting (solo.) providing the no frills sex education we both need and deserve.  Through both personal and professional experience, Lola brings a refreshing understanding to sex, sexuality and kink to push individuals past what they think they are capable of.

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