What’s it like to have a threesome?

Oh, the threesome. It’s like an urban legend. Those who’ve experienced its charms bask in them. Those who’ve experienced its cutting edge regret ever doing it. And folks who’ve never had the privilege, dream of it with their hands down their pants.

The fact is, threesomes are a recurring fantasy for many of those who have and have not had them, and threesome porn makes for hugely popular viewing.

And there’s little wonder why.

Threesomes ignite something deep inside us. They fulfil a desire to let go and seize the moment. They’re a little bit naughty and erotic af. And, if done right, they’ll give you an experience you’ll remember for the rest of your life.

The threesome disclaimer

While threesomes can be hot as hell, they can also be devastating. When people go into them, particularly heterosexual couples, they often aren’t open and transparent about their expectations and boundaries.

Some folks focus too much on their own experience and fail to recognise the involvement, pleasure, and desires of all parties involved. Other times, one person feels left out or neglected. And then there are times when the third is treated as a prop to fulfil the couple’s fantasy instead of a human engaging in sexual pleasure with others.

Another downfall of the threesome occurs when it’s used to fix a problem or soothe an itch. Threesomes will not mend a broken relationship. They will not stop your partner from straying, and having a threesome won’t make them love you more. Chances are, if your relationship is not strong and healthy, a threesome can speed up the rate at which it falls apart.

If your relationship is strong, if you can talk openly and honestly to your partner about your desires, boundaries, concerns, and fears, and can be transparent and communicate clearly, then threesomes can enhance an already rocking sex life.

But for many, the risk is too much. And that’s okay. Just because you don’t want to partake in a threesome doesn’t mean you can’t think about it, talk about it, or get turned on by it.

What is it about threesomes?

When you think about a threesome, there are plenty of eroticisms to focus on. Often, they have a serendipitous aspect, like the stars aligned at this moment to bring this much pleasure and joy into one encounter. There is the letting go of norms and expectations, instead taking the time to dive into a hedonistic adventure, of doing something for no other reason than it’s fun and feels good.

And speaking of pleasure, threesomes can be filled to the brim. Especially for those who find pleasure in giving and thrive on making others writhe in ecstasy.

For those who are bi, pansexual, or simply curious, threesomes allow safe exploration. They provide an opportunity to touch and explore with new people in new ways.

What is it about threesomes that turns you on? What is it that draws you in? If you want to broach the topic with your lover, whether just for fantasy or for a real encounter, hone in on the aspects that intrigue you the most and start your exploration there.

Exploring the fantasy with threesome porn

So the idea of a threesome excites you. It makes you hot and wanton, and you want to bring your partner in on it. But how do you do that without feeling embarrassed?

If you struggle to say to your lover, “the idea of a threesome really turns me on. Is that something you’ve ever thought about?” you’re not alone. But there are other ways that aren’t so detrimental to your nervous system.

Watching threesome porn together can be a fun and erotic way to introduce the subject. Leave the volume up when your own playtime begins. Hearing the noises and sounds from the threesome video adds excitement. It allows your imagination to run wild with the idea of other people in the room, each gaining their own sexual satisfaction.

If ethical porn isn’t your thing, plenty of non-X-rated films depict threesomes. Pick one for movie night and allow your arousal to build and act on it after the film ends.

The next day, bring it up in conversation. Say something like, “I really enjoyed watching threesome porn with you last night. I was surprised at how much it turned me on,” and wait for your lover’s response.

For those looking for something nonvisual, find a threesome porn story that gets your blood flowing and ask your lover to read it. Or, better yet, read it to them in bed. Allow them to hear the desire in your voice, and my guess is that you won’t make it to the end of the story.

A great way to experience a threesome sensation is with sex toys. Using a dildo or vibrator to mimic a third party can be a great way to explore what works for you and your partner and might just be enough to itch that scratch. For example, fellating a suction base dildo while your partner takes you from behind is a great way to spend an evening in without committing to the full shebang…

Do you want more?

After you’ve explored the threesome idea with your lover and you know it turns you on, have a conversation about it. Preferably one that happens clothed and at the kitchen table, not naked and under the covers.

Talk about what turned you on. Talk about if you want to explore deeper. Do you want to share sexual fantasies when you’re in bed, imagining another person was there and what they’d be doing? Do you want to consider having a threesome?

If so, talk about the why. Make sure it isn’t an attempt to fix something wrong, but instead explore something new. And if you know you’re doing it for the right reasons, talk about it some more. Ask questions to ensure you understand each other’s motivations and desires.

Here are a few to get you started:

What kind of threesome are you interested in? MMF? FFM? FFF? MMM? Does it matter? Why or why not?

Who is your ideal third? Do you already know them? Are they a friend? A coworker? Would you prefer a stranger? A sex worker?

Is it something you want to make plans for? Or do you want to wait until an opportunity presents itself?

Are you bi, bi-curious, or sexually fluid? Will that impact how you play in a threesome?

And then talk about your fears, hesitations, and insecurities. Again, transparency is vitally important, as is consent. Be open and honest with what you are okay with and what you’re not. And be sure you understand where your partner’s limits stand in all aspects.

Threesomes in reality

I won’t lie to you. Threesomes can be fucking amazing. Some of my favourite sexual memories involve more than one person. But they aren’t always what you see in threesome porn. There’s a lot more rearranging. A lot more laughing. A lot more mess.

But there may also be times when one person is not involved. There may be someone who feels left out. You may experience unexpected emotions. You may get jealous. Nervous.

You may even have performance anxiety (getting mad about it won’t help, take a deep breath and focus on the sensations around you).

Be prepared and have a plan. Have regular check-ins throughout the experience. Consider setting a safe word all three of you know just in case someone starts to feel uncomfortable. Reset boundaries if and when necessary. Remember, consent is a three-way street, and everyone must be onboard 100%.

And when it’s over, talk about it. What worked for you? What didn’t? What excited you? Surprised you? Made you uncomfortable?

Are threesomes worth it?

No one can answer that but you and your lover. In a healthy, happy relationship, threesomes can add pleasure and excitement, strengthen your bond and make you closer. But if boundaries are crossed, feelings get hurt, or your relationship is weak to begin with, threesomes will likely make things worse.

That’s why you should explore together through fantasy first. Watch a variety of threesome porn films. Talk about what scenes turn you on and those that turn you off. Discuss why. Play and touch each other and talk about what it would be like if another person were in the room.

Allow the fantasy to exist and see how that feels before jumping down the threesome rabbit hole.

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